Lost

I've lost myself. Lost in the pain. The betrayal. The rage. So much rage. I hurt down to my bones and beyond. My soul screams into the endless night but never receives a response. Just empty darkness lies before and behind me. Not even an echo returns my cries for justice. Revenge is the only sound my ears hear now. I spend my nights wandering, seemingly aimless. But I do have an aim. Only one. Hurt him. Hurt them all.

I gave him my heart and continued to do so, even after he proved himself unworthy of it. Everything he asked of me, I did. I feared him but I also loved him. I thought he was the light in my darkness but he was the darkness in my light. The ever present chain attached to my ankle, pulling me down into the depths. Slowly stealing the light from my eyes until there was nothing left but this. This that I am now. This hollow shell, filled only with empty promises and heartache. And rage.

I teeter back and forth in an endless loop. Heartache – Rage. Sorrow – Rage. Agony – Rage. It always ends with rage, as well it should. Again, I lean my head back, face the open night sky and scream. The true wrath of a woman, scorned. A woman, beaten into submission too many times to explain.

What once was a lovely girl with long, flowing red hair and bright green eyes is now this that stumbles through life. Wandering from one place to another. Trust no one. Love nothing. I'm more guarded than a fortress of gold. My walls stand higher than the highest castle. Once, my name was Moriah. Now, it is Hatred. The deep, black void in my chest is positioned perfectly where my heart once was.

Moriah walked these streets a happy, hopeful young lady once. She had the world at her feet and a lifetime ahead of her. Then the man crept into her world. He turned it upside down with his backhanded compliments and his...standards. Hopelessly high and unreachable for any human being. Moriah was lured in like a sweet little kitten and then fed to the dogs, one broken piece at a time.

Moriah is lost. There is only Hatred, now. Wandering, lost. Searching but never finding. Rage filled steps echo down every alleyway. The sound should serve as a warning. But, how can someone beware of something they don't see the danger in?

***

Stepping into the slightly chilled night air, John felt like he was walking on a cloud. He felt that way every time he left Christine's apartment. She was the one. He just knew it. Her smile lit his heart afire in a way no other had. When he was away from her, his only wish was to be by her side again.

On his walks home from her apartment, he always stopped and gazed into the jewelry store window at this one ring in particular. It had the most beautiful blue diamond in it's setting, surrounded by small chips of clear diamonds. He smiled every time he saw it because it reminded him of Christine. She was his “blue diamond” among all the other average diamonds. Her stunning blonde hair and blue eyes sparkled in his dreams at night and inspired him to be a better man so he could deserve the likes of her. Christine.

This night seemed especially dark but his thoughts stayed firmly focused on her. He paused only a moment at the window this time, just long enough to ensure the ring was still there. After all, he intended to purchase it tomorrow. John had finally saved the appropriate amount to make the ring his, and also the girl. This weekend, he was planning a beautiful picnic by her favorite waterfall. What better place to ask the girl of his dreams to be the woman he would spend the rest of his life with? He felt an extra pep in his step as he turned down the alley by the jewelry store to make his way home for the night.

He experienced two very distinct surprises as he turned into that alleyway. The first was that the air instantly felt heavier there, and darker, too. It was as if the moon had forgotten to shine there, even though it was clearly visible in the sky. The second surprise was more of a shock than a surprise. At the far end of the alley, he could clearly see a young woman. In the darkness, she was the only thing that seemed lit, almost glowing. John could distinctly make out her long, red hair and green eyes that were trained directly on him. The oddest thing about her was her pink sundress that didn't at all match the chill in the air that night. Why would a pretty young woman be wondering around at night in so little clothing to keep her warm?

“Excuse me, Miss. Are you lost?” John asked.

The strange woman didn't answer him. She only tilted her head to the side slowly, as if she was trying to decipher his words. He thought surely this girl needed help. At the very least, he would walk her home or contact the authorities to escort her to a safe place for the night. This was not the kind of place a pretty young lady should be walking around alone at night.

“What's your name?” John asked as he began to step toward her slowly, so as not to frighten her.

“Moriah.” she answered. John was just happy she'd answered him, which told him at least she was okay and he could ascertain where she lived and get her there without harm.

“Moriah. That's a lovely name. Here, take my coat. You must be so cold in this night air.” John began to take off his coat as he walked toward her. She still didn't move. Moriah stood firmly in her place and watched him approach her with a curious look on her pale face.

“I'd be happy to walk you home, if you'd like.” he said as he finally reached her on the other side of the alley. “May I put this coat on you?” John asked as he held the coat up for her to put her arms into. The strange girl didn't move a muscle. “Are you hurt?” he asked, growing concerned for her in her silence.

John leaned in to place the coat on her shoulders just as her face appeared to melt into the most terrifying, elongated, screaming face he'd ever seen. He heard no sound come from her in that moment but her once sweet face was long and torn with the screams of a thousand tortured souls begging for release.

John immediately dropped his coat on the wet pavement and gasped as he turned to run back the way he'd come. John glanced behind him for only a moment to see if she was following him. He looked just in time to see her transform from a small young lady into a large, floating oval of black mist. Blacker than the blackest night. And fast. The black cloud launched itself toward him, letting loose the most wretched sounds of growling and screaming John had ever heard. The cloud was upon him before he could fully comprehend that he would not make it to the safety of the street, if there even was safety anywhere from this...thing.

Enveloping him fully, the black cloud turned everything backwards. Inside out. Upside down. Left was right and right was left. John imploded in a gruesome burst of blood and material that made a horrible sound which echoed through the alleyway as it landed in a heap on the ground. This ball of hatred didn't care one way or the other about John or anyone. It only sought destruction. If an alley cat had crossed it's path, the poor cat would've met the same fate.

***

Hatred. Rage. I release the evil energy I'm filled with but the wrath won't subside. His hands can never hurt me again but I still wander these streets looking for revenge. I'm free of him but not the torture I endured. I'm never free of that. I'm lost to it. I'm lost.